lyricSLHF

click here for full Smiley Laughy Happy Facey liner notes

1 We Arr Who We Arr

Wet and dangerous!

If ye love adventure, sail with us

Got sea below and sky above

And we wear breeches nice an' rough—haa, yarr!

O'course we be—be scourges of the seven seas

If we meet ye, ye'll need surgery

I'm a man who loves me jewel-er-ee-hee-hee!

Got an eyepatch on me eye

Get seasick over the side

All me hearties give a cry

Say yo-ho-ho-ho (YO-HO!)

We're floating on me barge, barge, ba-ba-ba-barge

We sail the ocean large, large, la-la-la-large

We pillage all yer car-car-ca-ca-ca-cargo

Yeh know we'll give yeh scars

We arrr who we arrr!

I'm singin' with me chum, chum, chu-chu-chu-chum

But he can only hum, hum, hu-hu-hu-hum

'Cause we cut out 'is tongue, tongue, to-to-to-tongue

We're pirates in our hearts

We arrr who we arrr!

D-J, turn the wheel!

Follow tides and waves where-e'er we feel

We're a roguish band of buccaneers

All me hearties gonna give a cheer (a-ha!)

I be talkin' truth! Got a sturdy ship and noble crew,

We're ravaging boats,

battening hatches,

walkin' the plank,

burying BOOTY! (Aaah!)

Jolly Roger on me mast

Send a mighty cannon blast

And ye best surrender fast

We're singing yo-ho-ho (YO-HO!)

We're floating on me barge, barge, ba-ba-ba-barge

We sail the ocean large, large, la-la-la-large

We stay away from shark-shark-sha-sha-sha-sharks

Yeh know we'll give yeh scars

We arrr who we arrr!

We're dancin' pirate scum, scum, scu-scu-scu-scum

We drink a clap o' rum, rum, ru-ru-ru-rum

And blast ye with our gun, gun, gu-gu-gu-gun

We're pirates in our hearts

We arrr who we arrr!

D-J, turn it up! ("X marks the spot.")

D-J, turn it up! ("Put yer backs into it, ye bilge rats!")

D-J, turn it up! ("Dead men tell no tales…")

D-J, turn it up! (Yar. Yaar, yaar YAAR YAAAAA-HA-HA-HAaar!)

Even though I plunder seas and rivers,

Those I conquer taste my knuckles;

Only you make me timber shiver

Baby, only you can swash my buckle!

Ohohohoho...yaar.

Another ship to rob, rob, ro-ro-ro-rob

Another deck to swab, swab, swa-swa-swa-swab

It beats an office job, job, jo-jo-jo-job

We're pirates in our hearts

We arrr who we arrr!

Me peg leg makes me lean, lean, lean-lean-lean-lean

Got scurvy and got fleas, fleas, fle-fle-fle-fleas

For ever sail the se-se-se-se-se-seas

We're pirates in our hearts

We arrr who we arrr!

We're floating on me barge, barge, ba-ba-ba-barge

We sail the ocean large, large, la-la-la-large

We pillage all yer car-car-ca-ca-ca-carcasses

Yeh know we'll give yeh scars

We arrr who we arrr!

We're dancin' pirate scum, scum, scu-scu-scu-scum

I'm singin' with me chum, chum, chu-chu-chu-chum

We're blastin' out our guns, guns, guns-guns-guns-guns

We're pirates in our hearts,

We arrr who we arrr!

2 Cupcakes (Can Kill You)

Cupcakes can kill you

If they're made of death

They'll maim you and drill you

And steal your last breath

Cupcakes are nasty

They're up to no good

They're kind of like ninjas

Disguised as your food

(Fear the cupcakes, the cupcakes are coming! Ad nauseam)

Cupcakes are scary

They'll give you the hurt

They'll rip your poor body

RIght out of your shirt

(the cupcakes are up to no good and they're plotting; Ad nauseam)

Cupcakes are evil

Treacherous snack

Their frosting is danger

Their psyches are cracked!

Cupcakes can kill you

They're scary stuff

Don't trust their sprinkles

There's death in their fluff!

There's death in their fluff! (repeat until:)

DON'T trust their SPRINKLES!

3 Canada

CANADA, our neighbors to the north

CANADA, you boldly sally forth

CANADA, o CANADA,

You're awf'ly full of canadians

4 Doug

I love you.

You love Doug.

I don't really like Doug.

You love Doug.

Doug loves Martha.

Martha don't really like Doug.

Doug loves Martha.

Martha loves Brad.

Brad don't really like Doug.

Brad loves Sue.

Sue loves TRUTH.

TRUTH don't really like Doug.

DougDougDougDougDougDougDougDougDougDougDougDougDougDougDougDougDoug

DougDougDougDougDougDougDougDougDougDougDougDougDougDougDougDougDoug

5 Enter Kazoo Man

bzz

bzzzzzz

6 Don't Stop Buh-LEED-in

Just a small-town girl

Moved up to that rainy world

She goes to high school in Forks, Washington

Met this handsome guy

Pasty skin and brooding eyes

He's a hundred years old; why does he go to high school in Forks, Washington?

EDWARD: "I'm not like everyone;

I sparkle when I'm in the sun

I'm so pale, you might think I've died

Yet I live on and on and on and on…"

Shadows waiting

Strangers running through the forest

Hunting humans in the night

Vampire people

"You can be my spider monkey!"

Biting someone in the NIGHT

BELLA: "I hope that he's not a creep!"

EDWARD: "I like to watch you when you sleep;

Giving anything to smell your veins just one more time..."

BELLA: "Save me from my mortal doom!"

EDWARD: "I'll bite the baby from your womb."

BELLA: "Then I'll be like you...I will live on and on and on and on…"

Vampire council

EDWARD: "They decided not to eat you."

We hunt wildlife in the night

Werewolf people

Do not let them imprint on you

WEREWOLVES: "We have hot glistening ABS"

Don't stop buh-LEED-in'

EDWARD: "Hang on to your mortal feelin'!"

Vampire peo-poh-ohh-ohh-OHHHH

Don't stop buh-LEED-in'

EDWARD: "Oooh, I need your feedin'."

Vampire peo-poh-ohh-ohh-OHHHH-OHHHHH-OHHHHHHH

DON'T STOP

7 Sweet Dreams (pop medley)

If you want the lyrics, you can look 'em up. The source song are: “Sweet Dreams” by Annie Lennox and David A. Stewart, opb Eurythmics; “Sunglasses at night” by Corey Hart, opb Corey Hart; “Sexy Back” by Justin Timberlake, Timothy Mosley and Nate "Danja" Hills, opb Justin Timberlake; “Another Brick in the Wall (pt. 2) by Roger Waters, opb Pink Floyd; “Poker Face” by Stefani Germanotta and Nadir Khayat, opb Lady Ga Ga; “Here Comes the Rain Again” by Annie Lennox and David A. Stewart, opb Eurythmics

8 Hawaii

Four dollars short;

So close and yet so far...

Who knew so little could mean so much?

Tiny pocket change—

Miniscule compared with all the

money that we used to bail the banks out

Keeping me from seeing you

I spent 400 times that money for vacation...

Hawaii~

I'm sensitive—if you count ticklish as sensitive.

I wear a Kevlar vest to ward off fingers

and to keep my heart from breaking up with you;

It's so much harder than I practiced,

Made my cornflakes taste like sadness.

I'm sorry.

Let me tell you how I feel:

Internally remorseful.

Quite contrite.

And I can't live without you.

I'm trying to say in no uncertain terms that

I'm sorry.

Four minutes short;

Four minutes of your time.

Let me explain and beg your return...

Tiny pocket change—

miniscule compared with all the

years we spent together building bridges,

And I'm begging you…

I'm trying to say in no uncertain terms that

I'm sorry.

If I could find the change, I'd hop the transit to your doorstep…

Or could you come pick me up?

And by the way, you look fantastic.

Or at least, you sound fantastic…

I assume you smell fantastic?

Did I mention that I'm sorry?

Will you spend your life with me?

Is that too forward? I don't care.

We could take our honeymoon to

Hawaii~

'Til then, let's go get a bite to eat.

That is, if you think you could lend me

Four dollars….

9 Tasty Bacon

Of all the many things we should be makin'

The thing I like most is the tasty bacon

Oh, come on, pretty baby, what's that you're shakin'?

I sure do hope it's the tasty bacon

My knees are weak, my heart is achin'

'Cause I love-a love-a love-a love-a tasty bacon

(Pig!) (Meat)

I don't want you to leave, so don't be hasty

Nobody else like you can make that bacon tasty

I tried to cook it myself, it was a big disgrace-ty

I need you honey, I need you to make that bacon tasty!

My stomach's growling, my skin is pasty,

Oh baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, babe, you know, I

Love-a love-a love-a love-a bacon tasty

(Love-a love-a love-a love-a tasty bacon)

*Extended kazoo solo*

(Pig!) (Meat)

10 Baby

Baby

Baby

Baby

Ohhhhhhhhh

11 Second Head

I'd like to grow a second head

So I'd remember what I said

When I described the things I'd do

To show my everlasting love for you

So I'd remember what I'd promised you

I'd know the things that I had sworn to do

And all your friends would be amazed

As I'd perform a wide array

Of touching gestures full of romance

That I pledged, but now I can't recall

My mouth, without consulting with my brain

Reacted to the way your glowing eyes affected me

Now everyone except for me, it seems,

Knows everything that you expect of me

I'll mention how they'll stare

In admiration at the pair

Of sturdy heads upon my shoulders

Each as handsome as the next

An extra set of ears to hear your voice in alternating shifts

An extra set of eyes to scan the sales to find you perfect gifts

An extra mouth to speed the process of acquiring food

An extra mouth for me to shut so that I don't spoil the mood

(La la la….)

I'd like to grow an extra arm

So I could maximize the harm

I could inflict with brutish grace

On those who question my integrity

12 Old Turkey

He was an old turkey

And he did not understand that his untimely execution was intended to relieve him from his rheumatoidal aching; it was merciful to him, but he was brokenhearted nonetheless, and I felt pretty awful that I could not make it clear to him by gobbling out some turkey-language so that he would not be scared as we prepared to cease his feathered life, and add his carcass to our feast

He was a poor turkey

As we stalked up to his body strapped down there upon the table to revoke his aging head from its attachment to his torso; he gaed up at me with his sweet beady eyes that I had loved for many years, since I was just a lad, and he and I would frolic in the autumn leaves and carve out our initials in the tree bark, and his turkey eyes cut into my poor heart with such a mixture of sweet memory and anger that could only come from such a handsome turkey who has been your best companion, but who now, for your consumption, will be shoved into the oven after treating him with all the finest spices that the world has ever known

(Turkey)

He was an old turkey

(gobble gobble)

13 I Voted Myself

I Voted Myself off the island

I was sick of my whiny voice and my pathetic sense of humor

I'm keeping myself off the island

'Til I vote myself back on

I'm getting a cat for my birthday

They will ship it to me from france encased entirely in chocolate

I'm giving a cat for my birthday

And then we will dance around

I'm giving my goldfish a haircut

He will never get mocked again for having sideburns from the '60s

I'm gonna hang out with my goldfish

Until he can make new friends

Then we will dance around

'Til I vote myself back—

14 Opera

Party rock is in the house tonight

Everybody's gonna have a good time

15 Russian Guy

Lookithat! Lookithat, lookithat

Ovathere, it's a Russian guy

Lookithat! Lookithat, lookithat

He's got big biceps!

Lookithat! Lookithat, lookithat

Lookitim bend that bear in half

Lookithat! Lookithat, lookithat

Enormous biceps

Russian guy

Why are you so burly? (Burly!) Burly? (Burly!) Burly? (Burly!) Burly? (Burly!) Burly? (Burly!) Burly? (Burly!) Burly-burly-burly-burly-bop

Russian guy

You have so much hair (hair) hair (hair) hair (hair) hair (hair) hair (hair) hair (hair) hair (ovathere) hair (ovathere hair)

*Instrumental-ish solo*

Russian guy, Russian guy, Russian guy Russian guy, Hey Russian guy, Russian guy, Russian guy, Russian guy, (Russian)

You have so much hair (Hair!), so much hair (so much hair!)

You have so much hair (HAIR!)

HAIR, Russian guy (HAIR!)

HAIR Russian guy (HAIR Russian guy)

HAIR Russian guy you have so much hair (SO MUCH HAIR!)

Ohhh, Russian guy (SO MUCH HAIR) what do you eat, what do you eat (what do you eat), what do you eat (whadda you eat?)

Whadda you eat (what do you eat)

What do you eat (eat)

He eats BEETS, he eats beets (Beets!!) Beets. BEETS. (BEETS!!!) Beets! (etc. ad nauseam)

(and in the meantime:) (Russian guy Russian guy you have so much hair Russian guy Russian guy you have so much hair BEETS)

I LIKE BEETS

(You have so much hair. Russian guy you have so much hair, I love your hair. hair on your back, hair in your nose, hair in your ear, hair in your eyes, oww oww oww oww, there's hair in my eyes, ow ow ow ow ow ow.)

Russian guy (repeat and lower…)

16 Horticulture

I perhaps will engage in strange experiments in horticulture

That's the means by which I'll win back your love

I'll rectify all the wrongs I've done against the biosphere

Maybe then you'll return from the clutches of that

Strange

Sentient tree

You ran off with last week

(yī èr sān sì wǔ liù qī)

I'm not certain what makes flora so attractive to a girl

I mean, chlorophyll and bark can only do so much for your overall happiness

I'll admit I was impressed by his hulking limbs and his rich, green tropical foliage

But you'll forgive me for shrieking like a child

When he ripped open the roof of our condo

And dragged you screaming into the swamp

It doesn't mean I don't love you

All of this reminds me of that time you were preoccupied fighting that flesh-eating...uh, strepta—spyrococta...viral thing

I concealed my jealousy pretty well, I thought, as you spent all your time with that other life-form

But eventually, you saw the error of your ways

And you came back to me, came back to mee…

I perhaps will engage in strange experiments in horticulture

I think I'll consult the Farmer's Almanac for handy info

I'm not certain what crops will grow well in the indigenous soil in my backyard

But I swear this to you, my love…

I just might plant...some peas?

I'm...tantalized by the prospect of cultivating a herb garden

And...then, uh—

(yī èr sān sì wǔ liù qī)

17 Igloo Man

He puts on his long wooly underwear

He goes out the back door

Spends his days in the backyard where the snow is piled like mountains

Digs himself a snow cave

Cuts up ice blocks

Builds a frozen palace

Lives there in the winter

Grows a wooly beard

'Cause he's

IGLOO MAN, IGLOO MAN, IGLOO MAN

smells like

IGLOO MAN, IGLOO MAN, IGLOO MAN

18 Hippie Man

I got a van fulla hippies, I found 'em out in the woods

I got a van fulla hippies, gonna take 'em to my neighborhood

I got a van fulla hippies, gonna treat 'em just like I should

Hippie man, go on get offa that train

Hippie man, go on get offa that train

Come on come on ol' hippie

Come on ol' hippie

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!

Big ones, little ones, hippies every shape and size

Lazy ones, crazy ones, hit ya right between the eyes

Come on come on ol' hippie

Come on ol' hippie

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!

Big ones, little ones, hippies every shape and size

Greasy ones, fleecy ones, hippie with an order of fries

Come on come on ol' hippie

Come on ol' hippie

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!

Hippie man, go on get offa that train

Hippie man, go on get offa that train

Come on come on ol' hippie

Come on ol' hippie

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!

(Come on ol' hippie come on! Come on COME ON OL' HIPPIE! Come on ol' hippie come on, come on….)